Five years after surviving breast cancer, my mum was diagnosed with bone cancer; miraculously, she managed to live another seven years with bone cancer without any major signs of illness throughout her twelve years of sickness.
I remember my mother worrying about her serious constipation, despite taking some medicine that was supposed to aid in having bowel movements. She had not passed anything for almost a week and she found her stomach getting bloated. She called me to tell me that she was on the way to A & E in NUH with my sister. At that time, I was outside with my wife. We rushed to the hospital and waited with my mum and sister at the A&E for about an hour. The doctor did an examination and concluded that her constipation was due to some blockage and that it would be okay. We went back to thinking that things were okay and we did not think seriously about that problem.
It wasn’t until one or two weeks later that we found out that the problem of constipation had not subsided and that when my mum was again due for a monthly routine checkup she told her doctor about her problem. Her doctor decided to do an examination of the problem and eventually showed us some X-ray pictures taken around my mum’s stomach. There were white spots all over my mum’s liver, indicating that the cancer had spread to her liver. My mum was again diagnosed with cancer—this time cancer of the liver.
This time around, the doctor prescribed another round of chemotherapy for her and the doctor told us that the chances of her surviving this time around were very slim. Despite the odds, my mum still went for the chemotherapy, but this time she seemed to get weaker every day until she could only eat or lie in bed. She lay in bed most of the day and it really saddened everyone in the family as her past cheerfulness that had brightened up the house had disappeared.
For a short moment, the house was not the same. There was no laughter or loud talking from my mum, though I still remember her sitting on the side of her bed talking on the phone with her friends whenever I come home.
Point To Note ———————————
Cherish every moment in your life, especially the time you have with your parents and family members. Those times, once gone, will never come back again.
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My aunt took leave with no pay from work for several months to take care of my mother and we are very grateful for her help. At that point in time, my mother started to hate eating food because she felt her stomach getting bloated. Although she didn’t eat, she always asked us to eat in front of her and you can feel the happiness in her when she saw her loved ones eating. This is true love that came from her heart for us. As she did not want to eat, she was given tube feeding so that we could feed her. The sight of someone you love in such a state will definitely break your heart.
On and off, my mum would feel discomfort in her body or even have difficulty breathing and we had to send her to the hospital by ambulance to get her medical help. Every time she was admitted, I thought it was the end as she was getting continually weaker and weaker. When my mum first had difficulty breathing and requested to go to the hospital, she told my aunt to take good care of me. I still feel sad whenever I recall this sentence.
I remember my mum asking me why she had never seen me cry about her illness before as my brother and sister all cried in front of her. She thought that I was not sad, but it was because I did not want her to think that she was going to die soon. In the eyes of my mum, I was someone who talked loudly at home, who was the happy-go-lucky type. So I thought if I suddenly got so serious and cried in front of her, she would get worried. I still have regrets that in my relationship with my mum, I could not express how I truly felt about her. My family is not one of those that are good at expressing feelings for each other; we did not develop the habit of holding our parents’ hands or kissing our parents’ cheeks. However, in the hospital there were times where I held my mother’s hands as if I was a kid again. That feeling sometime brings me back to those days when my mum took me to school and helped me carry my school bag. Despite the weakening of her body, my mum fought on bravely like a warrior in a battle. She never gave up and she believed she would recover again. I recall her asking me whether she would recover and when I told her yes, she smiled at me.
The worst encounter for me was a time when my mother suddenly forgot who we were. She couldn’t even say our names. When this happened, she was again admitted to the hospital and she suddenly couldn’t remember who we were. I believe this broken every family member’s heart. That night, I went back home for a shower and brought some stuff to stay with my mother. Throughout the night, she kept asking me who I was. Although it may sound hilarious at certain times, when I think deeply about it, knowing that someone who was so close to me had forgotten who I was, no words could describe that kind of aching feeling.
As the doctor finally talked to us, telling us that her situation was hopeless and advising us to take my mother home, she was discharged again. When she got home, there was a sudden change in her. She began to eat and appeared to be very energetic. When she saw me, she asked me to sit with her and talk to her. I vividly remember that she was counting some 50 dollars notes, happily saying that she had money.
When my grandmother came over, she actually told my grandmother that my mum’s younger sister was to be pitied because she was wheel bound and couldn’t work. She asked my grandmother to pass some 50 dollar notes to her. This was the kind nature of my mother, even at such time as this in her own life. She was in a difficult state and she still thought of other people.
That was the best few days I spent with her during that time. Then she suddenly got worse and fell into a coma. On and off, she would wake up and talk to us weakly, asking us whether we had our lunch or dinner already, but most of the time she was asleep. I was grateful for this and considered it a blessing that she could not feel any pain in her body in that state. I had heard of people shouting because of pain, but it never occurred with my mum. She was never in that serious amount of pain, and I believe it was a blessing for her kindness.
One day when I was alone with my mother in the hospital ward, she woke up and saw a very big and nice basket on the bad opposite of her and she told me that she liked the basket. I dashed to the florist at the lobby to buy one, but what was available there were only smaller baskets. I went ahead and bought one for her. Initially, she was happy with it, but she said she liked the other one more. She turned to me and asked me “Am I very troublesome?” The next day I bought another arrangement with a bigger basket, but she did not really get a chance to see it as she was sleeping more and more. A few days later, we received a call from the hospital saying that her blood pressure was low and she might not make it through the night. We rushed down to the hospital to stay throughout the night and she pulled through.
I remember going to the restroom and getting a phone call saying that my mum had opened her eyes and that she would pass away really soon. I ran to the bed, and the moment she saw me when I opened the curtain, she took a deep breath and passed away. I knew she was waiting to see me one last time before going away for good. Overall, she passed away very peacefully without as much pain as we had thought might occur.
A last dedication for my mum: “I love you and you will always be in my heart. Take care MUM.”
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